Holy Paycheck!
by chaosbfly
Summary: What's your performance bonus like when you work for the Gods? Come on, you know Sanzo and the guys weren't doing all that work for free...


_This contains a few mild spoilers, nothing beyond volume 7 of the manga._

_Kazuya Minekura owns me. Luckily, if I don't profit from this, she won't collect my kidneys. So whatever you do, don't send me money!

* * *

_

**Holy Paycheck**

The room is dark and dramatic, flames flickering in ever-burning lamps. Curtains sweep back from a deep enclosure, and within that holy place can be seen the representatives of the gods, the Three Aspects.

Dark room. Flickery lights. Floating heads.

The gaze of those magnificent figures settles on the four young men, invited into the inner sanctum against all precedent. Their efforts have gained the appreciation of even the terminally navel-gazing crowd in The Great Upstairs.

They have become aware that they ought to have a good reward to distract these resourceful young men from asking why the gods needed humans to save their incorporeal asses. And so, the divine spokesheads rustle unseen papers and launch into the Prepared Sutra.

"Now that you have completed your task, stopped the resurrection of Gyumaoh and retrieved the Seiten Sutra, each of you is to be rewarded with one (1) gift. We see fit to give you whatever your hearts desire most; all you must do is ask. What would you ask of the gods, Sanzo Party?"

There are a few minutes of thoughtful silence, there, before the Sanbutsushin. They are disturbed by a question:

"Does it matter who goes first?"

"No, no. But we haven't got all day, you know. Whoever's got it first, just speak up."

"Okay then, I'll bite." Gojyo, ever the meat shield, steps forward to test the waters. (ha ha...)

"Oh, good. A-hem. What form of gift or enlightenment may we bestow upon you, oh loyal one?" The left head is visibly relieved by this quick response from the usually ornery and uncooperative crew.

"Fertility."

* * *

Wide-eyed silence fills the room, broken only by the 'flup' of jaws hitting the ground. 

"I'm sorry... Gojyo, are you sure about that? You can have anything, you know..." Hakkai asks, wearing the look of one who is considering the involuntary institutionalization of a friend.

"Hell yes. I've been thinking about it even since that guy told me about being half-youkai and the whole 'mule' thing. I'd rather be an ass than a mule any day." Gojyo defends his choice.

"Besides," he continues, "can't you just see me with a whole pack of little brats? Fix the mistakes my parents made, raise 'em right, teach them how to cheat _properly_..."

"But... Gojyo... who...?"

"Oh, I don't mean with _every_ woman I meet. But, you know, there's plenty of good chicks out there, just waiting for..."

"A-hem! Fertility. Are you certain then?" Interrupts a blushing head, anxious to avoid further -and more graphic or possibly incriminating - discussion.

"Yep."

"Alright then. Next!" There is a brief pause. "Don't all jump at once, now..."

Hakkai steps forward.

* * *

"Uh... excuse me? If anything is possible, I'd like... my sister back. Alive and well. No curses or catches or anything." Hakkai proceeds with the caution of a mob lawyer negotiating a plea-bargain. 

The heads blink in silence for a second, internally cursing Kanzeon Bosatsu's mandate of offering 'anything'.

"Um. And... you have plans, then?"

"Oh, yes. I'm going to marry her."

The Three Heads look at each other for a moment. "Marry... your sister. We _are_ gods, you know..."

"Gojyo intends to use your gift to make many little bastards," ("Happy ones!" interrupts Gojyo. "They'll know who's their daddy...") "Is this a problem?"

The Heads are replaced by bars of color and a message in sanskrit: 'Please Stand By.' Whispering can be heard faintly over the guttering flames.

Finally the heads reappear.

"Alright, yes, it can be arranged. She'll just... not be your sister any more."

"I said no tricks..." Hakkai's smile drops for a moment, sending shivers down the spines of even the disembodied.

"No! It's not a trick. Just, you know - like your name. It's a technical thing, reincarnation-wise. God stuff, you know." Flustered heads search the room for a quick distraction, cursing their drawing of the Three Short Straws. "Anyway, on to the next person. Who's up?"

* * *

Sanzo, having sensed the general loss of control and teetering authority of his once and current bosses, is taking advantage of the quiet moment to light his cigarette from one of the ever-burning flames. 

Goku is still deep in thought, cross-legged on the floor

Gojyo sidles over to Sanzo, lights his own stick, and whispers: "He's gonna ask for food. You know he's gonna ask for food." He checks his wallet. "$150 says he asks for food."

"No bet." Sanzo continues to puff.

* * *

"Ah... heretical child? Would you mind picking up the pace a little? We're missing the..." The Heads fidget. 

Goku stands and looks up at them.

"I can have anything I want?"

The Three Heads look at each other rather apprehensively, passing curses on the word 'anything' and sneaking Holy Rolaids.

"...Yes?"

Goku nods in satisfaction.

"I want my friends to always be with me."

* * *

No one is more shocked than his friends. Except possibly Sanzo, who continues to smoke, obscuring his facial expression. He may simply be silently cursing the knowledge that he could be holding Gojyo's $150 at that very moment. 

"Excellent choice!" Smiles one relieved Head. The unspoken affirmation continues 'We wanted someone to keep an eye on you anyway.' Either way, they look a little cheerier as they continue. "Granted."

* * *

"And you, Genjyo Sanzo, our most loyal... uh... emissary. How may we reward you for all your efforts on our behalf?" 

Sanzo takes one more long, deep draw on the cigarette. He drops it, and grinds it into the floor of the holy pavilion with the heel of his boot.

* * *

"You have nothing that I want. Just leave me the hell alone."

* * *

Then Toa's 31st Genjyo Sanzo throws open the doors and walks away from errands and quests and the Scut Work of the Gods. Sanzo walks back into his life, the life of Genjyo Sanzo. 

Oh, he'll still go on the quests - it's better than teaching. And he'll do the odd errand - if he's going that way. But now, it's Genjyo Sanzo's way. Now it's his choice.

Now it's _his _life.

* * *

- - - - - - the end - - - - - -

* * *

This is a one-shot, so thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated! 


End file.
